'Tis a wonder, by your leave, she will be tamed so.

Bombing what I thought would have been my best chance for an A this morning left me to contend with the bitter notion that I really am not cut out for this.

It really is no joke, juggling work and studies. In all honesty, I was deceived into thinking that what I'd been doing as work was, at its best, an exercise in ratchet-turning, pry-pulling, soap-rinse-dry-repeating. I'm not too sure about the others, but what I had to do clearly involved the exertion of my mental capacity which, on the worst of days, left me wanting to just lie underneath a Unimog (wheel chock on) and letting the cool breeze take me somewhere far far away...

I'm very sure that my best wasn't good enough, but I gave what I could and I hoped that it counted for something. Whatever it was, my nights were no less draining, each piece of paper jostling for space in my already crowded mind.

11841, increase in flood runoff due to increase in hortonian overland flow, change 52915 exhaust re-send avi pass-out, construction of false memories to exude own female identity within patriarchal context,11556, 52156, 33250, 52487, 52171, 35864, correlation regression, AFPFL, inter-state tensions, bom kit arrived but no oil and vehicle drained already what-to-do, avi passed but headlight faulty and no spares what-to-do, long T.A.T. need to get rid of vehicle don't know where to start what-to-do, pre-conditions for take-off, take-off, drive to maturity, high production and mass consumption of goods, rounded nut stuck at gearbox cannot remove change gearbox need to pass-out what-to-do, missing tools, starter motor stuck man flip-out oil out of stock toolstore giving problems write statement men coming back late from tea break flexibility difficulty deep-weathering in tropics what-to-do.


Today, I returned my toolbox. There are 4 missing tools left and I still have to scout around, but it's a start. I'm not too sure what start it's giving me, but it's something.

Today, my dad celebrated his birthday. Forty-something. I lost count and I'm quite sure he did too but it's at a point where he starts counting down to his retirement. I hide it as much as he does with his dentures but I'm helplessly clinging on to him, to both of them. Down to the last tooth. Because in all honesty, I'm not too sure what I'd do without them. I'm at an age where filial affection shouldn't be something to be embarrassed about but here i am.

Today, I found myself wondering that if today was the first day of the rest of my life, I think I'd have to contend with the bitter notion that I really am not cut out for this.